In May our littlest guy underwent a pretty major surgery and we had a 5 day hospital stay, I got hooked on Call the Midwife during that time as I was stuck there and he slept most of the stay. I like to watch it in 10-15 minute increments as I wash dishes during nap time or for 2-3 minutes while the kids eat lunch (it actually takes longer to start the Xbox for Netflix than I usually get to watch), until inevitably I have to get someone a refill or wipe someone’s hiney….like to-get to; those are the same, right?
Anyways, one of the characters said something that really struck me about living life after loss. I heard these words and I had to pause the show because it hit me that the majority of the last 8 months since we lost Luke…..I was living only because I had to until I finally could come alive again. I knew I was going through the motions to survive and to continue caring for our kids and for Matt, but this…this is what I was actually doing. “You just keep living until you are alive again.” Some days I still feel this way, but thankfully majority of the days now, I wake up and live life because I have a desire to do so again. I miss my baby every single second of every single day, but he’s happy and healthy and whole in heaven. And one day, I will be reunited with him. With both of our babies that are waiting for us actually. 💙💙