Day: June 20, 2017

But God


Hi! I’m Sara and I have OCD. I am a control freak (I’ll deny that one though). I am as type A as they come. I am also incredibly introverted. Now, I don’t avoid outside human interaction, but prolonged periods of human interaction drain me. Prolonged periods of constant stimulus also drain me; both emotionally but truly physically as well. I thrive off of down time. I need down time and quiet time. Yeah, I said it, I need quiet time. I have 4 living children that range in age from 8 months old to 5 years old. Four very needy, demanding young children. And I need quiet time. Asher is exclusively breastfed and eats often throughout the day. Our 2 year old, Eliana, is jealous of Asher needing mommy so much and therefore she also needs mommy constantly as well. Our 3.5 and 5 year olds are…..BOYS. Meaning they are loud and rambunctious and provide constant stimulation. Did I mention before that constant noise & stimulation drains me?? And have you ever tried maintaining order in a home with one child?? Multiply that times 4 kids and this OCD, control freak has a difficult time maintaining composure. There is always laundry to be done and dishes to be washed. Floors always need to be swept and mopped or vacuumed, and there isn’t enough time during the day to get it all done. It’s hard. It’s a lot of work to be a good momma to these little ones. It’s a lot of work to be a good wife to Matt while being a good momma to these little ones. And I fail at both far too often; way more than I’d like to admit to even myself. We have days where we all end up in tears at one point or another. There are days that I think to myself that God had to have made a mistake in making me a mother. And there are even days where I voice that thought to those closest to me. These babies of mine deserve the best mother in the world and even on my good days, I don’t feel worthy enough to be their momma.

But God…..

I’m reminded that He put me here in this position for a reason. He deemed me worthy enough to be their momma. Not because of anything I’ve done or can do on my mind own, but because of Him. Follow God wherever you are. He put you there to serve Him in the position you are in. Every position God puts you in is important. Each season of life has a purpose in shaping who you are or will be, or even helps guide you to shape the lives of others. So if that means that I serve Him by doing my best to be the momma these kids need, then that is what I will strive to do…..and OCD, control freak momma will have to learn to chill out a little more. And my babies are definitely worth that. 💙

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