I did a guest post for a friends Facebook page today. Her page is full of really amazing and fairly short devotionals. It’s perfect for busy ladies of all walks of like-not just mommas or grandmas or single ladies or those suffering child loss or infertility–there is seriously something for everyone to benefit from. You can find her page here.
Anyway, here is my post from her page today. Just wanted to share. It touches on our loss but also where I’ve been able to find joy. If you’ve read anything here before, you will have heard part of this already, but that’s ok.
“Journey to Joy”
By Sara Marlar
Romans 8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
I have had to cling tightly to the truth in this verse since September 2016. The pain I’m experiencing now can’t compare to the glory I will one day experience when I enter into eternity and come face to face with Jesus and with my two sweet babies waiting there for me.
On September 27, I went into preterm labor with our identical twin boys, Luke and Asher. At only 30 weeks and 6 days, we expected a long NICU stay for them, but what we did not expect was that only one of our babies would make it out of the OR alive. Our sweet Luke Oliver was unexpectedly stillborn due to complications we hadn’t known about; he was alive and well 20 minutes before delivery. The trauma from so suddenly losing our baby was beyond anything we’d been prepared for. The next several months that followed were filled with overwhelming darkness for me with just a tiny glimmer of light visible. I continually cried out to God to fix me and my hurt. I believed I was clinging to Him with all my might, but looking back on that time, I can see that I was actually pushing Him away. I’d stopped reading my Bible, stopped praying other than begging for Him to “fix it”, and I began just going through the motions of life simply to survive and to take care of Asher, our other 3 babies at home and my husband. I finally reached out in desperation and thankfully God put 2 amazing women in the path of my flailing arms that spoke love and life back into me. They encouraged me to pick my Bible back up and actually allow God to comfort me. And you know what, HE HAS! Do I still miss my baby? Every single day! But I KNOW that Luke is in heaven with Jesus and that he wouldn’t want to come live in this sin filled world now that he’s experienced that glory that Romans 8:18 speaks about.
Daily Tip: When you are feeling overwhelmed with the trials of life, get by yourself, get on your knees before The Lord and pray, and read your Bible. If you can’t get away by yourself, that’s ok! You can talk to Jesus right where are you now! Make it a priority in your life to meet with Jesus every. Single. Day. I can’t promise that you won’t walk through trials anymore, because the Bible tells us that we will. But I can promise that Jesus will help you get through them.
A friend of mine reached out to me sometime in the first weeks following Luke’s death and she shared that verse with me. (Hi Katie!!!) it spoke so deeply to both Matt & me that we actually had the reference put on Luke’s grave marker. I couldn’t even fully understand it at the time, but I knew it was a powerful verse.