Month: October 2017

Last of the Firsts

General

On September 27th we celebrated the last of the “firsts”. This was the day our twins turned 1. We not only celebrated the last first without Luke, but also the last first birthday we will ever celebrate for Marlar babies. The weeks leading up to their birthday were pretty difficult simply knowing that this big milestone was approaching. I shed a lot of tears and honestly I’m getting a little emotional even sitting here thinking about it all. Knowing that an entire year has passed without our precious baby is such a hard thing; something I can’t even begin to explain to someone that has never experienced losing a child. Knowing that we will never again have a baby in the house is also a hard thing. Honestly, if pregnancy wasn’t so hard on my body and if delivery wasn’t such a scary thing (it’s always been terrifying for Matt and now even more so since we have actually lost a baby during delivery) Matt & I would both be game for having 10 babies, so knowing that this stage in life is now officially over brings up many more emotions.

Despite the weeks leading up to their birthday being incredibly sad, I had decided that their actual birthday was going to be a day of celebration. We had TWO little lives to acknowledge and rejoice over; one just happens to be longer than the other, but both equally worth celebrating. Their day fell on a Wednesday, so we celebrated as a family that day. Matt took the entire week off of work to be able to spend more time with all of us, and I’m so thankful he did. Mason (our 5 year old) still had school, but the extra family time was still so good and much needed. We went to a local park for a couple hours that afternoon and then had cupcakes after dinner that evening before church. It was an absolutely beautiful day and I can honestly say that while tears were shed that day, mostly it was a time of sweet memories of Luke and rejoicing over Asher’s accomplishments throughout the last year.

 

He clearly loved the cupcake 💙

I think we’ve mentioned here before that Luke was buried in our home town in Texas although we live in Las Vegas. It was honestly a really difficult decision to make burying him SO far away from us, but ultimately it came down to the fact that we know 100% for sure that we will ALWAYS go back home, but if God ever calls us away from Las Vegas, the likelihood of coming back often enough would not be that great. (Not that we wouldn’t want to come back often, but when faced with the choice of visiting family at home or coming to Vegas, we would choose home 9 out of 10 times.) So we chose to have him buried in the same cemetery Matt’s grandparents are buried in. We debated going to Texas for the twins birthday, but decided traveling across the country with 4 children that don’t travel well at a very high stress time would be a bad idea. So we resigned ourselves to the fact that we wouldn’t get to visit Luke’s grave on their birthday and celebrate “with” him. BUT my amazing aunt Janet and sweet cousin Alicia surprised us by going out there with some goodies and FaceTiming us so that we could sing Happy Birthday to the boys together. (And the waterworks have started again right now just thinking about it even 3.5 weeks after the fact….) I’ve mentioned before that my family is amazing…here’s another example of that. 💙

They decorated his grave for us and sang alongside us, and honestly, they carried the song for us when both Matt & I couldn’t carry on.

Happy birthday, Luke Oliver & Asher Luke. You both bring so much joy to mommy & daddy. Love you forever. 💙💙🦋

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October 2017
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