Tag: bible

One-Sided Relationships

Bible/TheologyMatt's Musings

“And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20)

This parable of the prodigal son is a beautiful picture of God’s forgiveness and compassion. When we finally come to the point of recognizing our sin and coming back to God, He doesn’t stand there and look the other way, pretending not to see us coming. That’s kind of what we do, isn’t it? We pretend to go about our business as if the offense doesn’t bother us and that we will be just fine if the person never apologizes and comes back to reconcile the relationship. We pretend to give up while quietly holding a grudge. Then when the person finally apologizes and tries to make things right, we usually have one of two reactions. Sometimes we tersely respond with something along the lines of “It’s ok” or “I forgive you” and leave it at that to avoid the awkwardness of the emotional healing or perhaps to simply let them know we are still displeased about whatever happened. Other times, we respond by laying into them with how bad the offense was and how it better never happen again.

God isn’t that way with us and I’m so glad! Not only does He let go of the offense, and He also doesn’t stand firmly in place and force us to come all the way to Him. He runs to us as soon as we humble ourselves and start to walk back! He makes it so incredibly easy to come back home and restore the relationship.

Now, God doesn’t do anything that needs forgiving, but stop and think about how often we run after Him the way He runs to us…

For many people in today’s America, our coming to God is usually defined by crawling back or reluctantly following. How often do we really run to Him other than when we have a problem for Him to fix? How often do we run to God with joy after recognizing His work in our life? How often do we run to God tell Him about our excitement or hopes and dreams? How often do we run to God because we just enjoy being in His presence?

Too often, we have such a one-sided relationship with God. Even if we take all of our needs to Him and lean on Him when times are hard, it stops there and we neglect sharing our joy with Him. Have you ever had a friend or family member that only talks to you when something goes wrong, but then when times are good you never hear from them? We do that to God without even thinking about it. However, the richness of walking closely with God is the joy that we are able to have by sharing the good times with Him. Jesus came to give us a life full of joy and abundance (John 10:10, 16:24).

We don’t like to be on the giving end of a one-sided relationship, and neither does He. I’m thankful that He is more patient and more forgiving that we are when it happens. I have written other posts that revolve around intentional living with our spouses and children, and truly we should be striving to live intentionally with God as well. The best and deepest parts of a relationship are when we actively take part in them. Passive loving is always one-sided and usually rooted in self-centeredness. Active and intentional loving brings the relationship into balance and enables both sides to find joy and fulfillment.

God doesn’t need us to find His fulfillment. He has that in Himself, but He still earnestly desires to have a deep relationship with each one of His children. As you go through life, I hope you’ll take time to live intentionally not just with your family and friends, but with God.

I Don’t Feel Like it…but


Parenting is hard. Those of you that are parents understand this truth all too well. The basic reason it is so hard is because we are selfish to our core. Raising children is a life-long exercise of setting aside our own desires and comforts for their betterment. It is not a question of if your child’s needs and wants will be inconvenient, unpleasant, or downright painful for you. It will happen and it will happen every single day. The real question is whether you are going to choose to hold onto your selfishness and leave their well-being and upbringing to chance or let go of your selfishness and love them like God loves you. It’s a decision you will have to make over and over and moment by moment.

Man, Matt…that’s pretty harsh, I don’t think I’m all that selfish. Oh, but you are. We all are, because we are all sinners. It is the nature of fallen humanity to want to fulfill our own needs and desires over others. Truly, the only thing that ever overcomes this tendency is love, whether it is a love of devotion or that selfless, self-giving love (the one oft-described as agapē love you hear about from Bible teachers and preachers). You see, selfishness cannot coexist with selfless love. They are mutually exclusive opposites like dark and light or hot and cold. How well we love is directly proportional to how well we are able to put aside our selfishness. When it comes to raising children, we have seemingly endless opportunities to practice this. The best way I know how to overcome my “I don’t feel like it…” is to focus on the “but…”

I wrote a little about this in Daddy Will You Play With Me, but when my kids interrupt something I’m trying to do like putting away dishes or fixing the sink or studying for Sunday’s lesson or reading a book, it can get frustrating having to stop to entertain them…I don’t feel like it…but this is such a precious time and I want to live intentionally with my kids so that I can raise them to love and follow God and I want them to know they are loved.

It’s not just about playtime. That’s the easy part. There are times when I have to set aside true personal needs (like sleep) for their benefit. When they wake me up multiple times in the middle of the night and I have to get up to inspect a shadow or look at where they bumped their head on the bed frame or watch them talk in their sleep (yes…it happens)….I don’t feel like itbut I want them to feel secure in our home and in my presence so that they will confidently walk with me wherever God takes us in life. I want them to trust me implicitly so that I can teach them to trust their Heavenly Father implicitly.

Giving up sleep and temporary comforts is still a little on the easy side, though. There are also those times when I have to set aside personal desires…my wants. That’s where the real battle with selfishness begins to rage. When I finally have a moment to relax do something I want to do like watch non-cartoons or work out in the wood shop or tinker with the car and then I’m petitioned mercilessly to retrieve a toy that will be strategically placed under my bare foot at some point in the future or break up a fight between the boys or any number of needs that small children frequently have…I don’t feel like itbut I want them to know that they are more important to me than anything in the world and they always have my ear so that they will always come to me with their needs later in life and when I try to teach them how to live with biblical priorities, they will have seen it in practice.

And then there’s the hardest one of all: discipline. This is where the battle with selfishness reaches its pinnacle. No parent enjoys disciplining their children. I hate seeing my kids cry after a spanking. I hate seeing their dejected look of hurt feelings when I have to scold them for bad behavior. I hate having to tell my child “no, you may not participate in this because you disobeyed.” I hate the constant fight of enforcing a standard of behavior. There are times when I just don’t feel like itbut I want them to learn to live by biblical principles and be productive members of not only society, but in ministry.

Discipline is ultimately the most loving thing a parent does. Without it, children will grow up attempting to make their own rules that will inevitably conflict with God’s, and often-times the rest of society. There is a reason Proverbs 13:24, Hebrews 12:6, and Revelation 3:19 all talk about how discipline is closely linked with love. You see, when we choose not to discipline our children, we are ultimately choosing our own desire to not see them hurt or not to “be the bad guy” over their need to be “brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph 6:4). That is the most selfish decision we can possibly make as parents. (Sara here to give my 2 cents. While we are both big believers in the benefit of spankings when done properly and out of love, neither I nor Matt believe that spanking is the only form of discipline that should be used. Every child is different and responds differently to different forms of discipline. Figure out what works best for your individual child and always discipline out of love rather than anger.)

I’ll say it again: parenting is hard. Overcoming our own selfishness for the sake of our children is a lifelong endeavor. I could go on to list 100 other examples of how our selfish tendencies will be tested on a daily basis, but the basic truth is that children themselves are born selfish. They want what they want when they want it and woe to the parent who does not comply. In the same way that selfishness cannot coexist with love, two people clinging to their own selfishness cannot coexist in any kind of relationship. Only when one chooses love over self can a relationship remain intact. That person has to be you, the parent.

Yes, it’s hard and you will fail at times. The important thing is to keep working at it. The next time you don’t feel like it, stop and focus on the but.

Praying When You Hurt

Grief and Infant Loss

Have you ever hurt so bad inside that you can’t even speak? Have you ever hurt so badly that try as you might, you cannot corral all of your thoughts and emotions into a coherent sentence? If you have ever lost a close loved one, especially a child, then I’m certain we share this experience. Even if you haven’t suffered such a great tragedy, I would bet you have had times in your life when you were so grieved or upset that it was hard for you to put your thoughts into words.

Now, have you ever tried to pray when you felt this way? Have you ever tried to pray when you can’t even tell God what’s bothering you and you don’t know what to ask for other than to make it stop? In times like these, getting alone with God and laying all of your cares on Him are what you need most, but the barrier to talking with Him can seem insurmountable.

In the months after our son, Luke, died I had many of these occasions to varying degrees. I normally have my personal prayer time early in the morning before anyone else gets up. It’s just about the only time of day when there is enough serenity to be able to devote more than five minutes to something other than the chaos created by four small children. During the first two weeks, our schedule was so chaotic, I have to be honest and tell you that my prayer life suffered big time. I made time for small prayers to get me through the days, but I don’t recall being able to set aside any meaningful time to talk to God even though I desperately wanted and needed some alone time with Him.

After a couple weeks, the chaos and flurry of activity from funeral arrangements and family visits began to wind down. That’s when prayer really began to get hard. Suddenly, I had time to be alone with my thoughts and feelings, and it was utterly devastating. There were many mornings when I got up for my prayer time, got down onto my knees and leaned over the ottoman or couch and could find no words to say to my Comforter. The more I tried to spit something out, the more my tongue froze. Instead…I wept. As much as I wanted to talk to God, all I could do was cry, usually uncontrollably. Sometimes I was there so long it was difficult to straighten my knees back out to get up. Other times I could manage to groan out a few words crying out non-specifically for His help.

During one of these times, I had an amazing realization. When I could come up with nothing to say, I could hear my heart singing:

I need Thee every hour
Most gracious Lord
No tender voice like Thine
Can peace afford

I need Thee oh I need Thee
Every hour I need Thee
Oh bless me now my savior
I come to Thee

I need Thee every hour
In joy or pain
Come quickly and abide
Or life is vain

I need Thee oh I need Thee
Every hour I need Thee
Oh bless me now my Savior
I come to Thee

Immediately, Romans 8:26-27 came to mind:

“Likewise, the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is in the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God”

Despite my complete inability to communicate by putting my thoughts into words, God was hearing everything I didn’t say. In that moment of realization I had such great comfort and a glimmer of joy! It was so plain to see that I was never alone and not so far from Him. God was not only listening intently, He was saying the words that I couldn’t!

I knew this in my head, but in the midst of devastation it’s sometimes hard for the heart to catch up.  What a blessing we Christians are given when we experience tough times! Even when we don’t know what to say to God or can’t put our thoughts and feelings into words, God knows exactly what we need to tell Him. We may think that our inability to speak well or to speak at all is a hindrance to our prayer life and our ability to communicate with God, but nothing could be farther from the truth. I would go so far as to say these times can be the most effective prayer we have because there is no pride and selfishness getting in the way. There’s no masking of our heart to appear so holy and reverent before God. Everything is stripped away and we see ourselves as God sees us…broken. For once, we are on the exact same page as God.

How can this be?? The Bible tells us that the moment we called on Christ for salvation and got saved, He sent the Holy Spirit to dwell within us (John 14:16-17, 3:1-8; Titus 3:5). Oh Christian, let me encourage you. You are never alone when you have the Holy Spirit! You never have to wonder if God really knows and understands how you feel! When you need to pray but you can’t find the words or can’t speak through your tears, God hears you loud and clear.

When you’re hurting, the best thing you can do is to get on your knees before God and let Him comfort you as He promised He would (John 14:18). Rest assured that He knows exactly what you need in those moments.

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